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My First Ever Date

*Names have been changed to protect the innocent


Recently I’ve been quite open about Tinder, matches and guys in general; so I wanted to keep that up with the story of my first ever date.


Just like any good millennial dating story starts, we met on Tinder. He was a sexy smooth talking french guy named Louis, and we arranged to meet at a bar in Westfields for some drinks. I have a rule before meeting a guy of wanting to chat for a bit and stalk them (post coming soon on how to effectively stalk Tinder dates); so it was strange when I realised that we'd only actually sent a few messages to each other. Either way, it was too late to turn back as I had just arrived at stratford station.
Thankfully we had exchanged numbers before hand as opening Tinder on the tube warrants some seriously judgemental stares. I messaged that I was outside the station and what persued was a half an hour hunt for other - it was like the airport scene from home alone.
We eventually found each other and I was greeted by the handsome guy (just like in the photos), only problem was that he was wearing a t-shirt and trainers and I was wearing a shirt and smart shoes. I looked like I was his older brother taking him out for a drink...

#Overdressed

I’m not sure what the actual protocol is for greeting a Tinder date. As we didn’t really know each other we just said hey, smiled and walked to find the bar.
We finally found the bar he'd recommended (top tip, know where the bar is that you’re taking your date too...) and grabbed a seat. This should be the most juice part of the story but it wasn’t juicy at all. We were constantly chatting -him occasionally Google Translating words from French to English-, eating and drinking.

It was pleasant but clear that nothing more would happen with us so I suggested we head our separate ways, which oddly surprised him. He said he wanted to do a bit of shopping first and for me to show him where to buy boxers from. As odd as that sounds, I thought he was making some sort of a move and if I'm being honest, it doesn't take much to get me into bed, so I said "sure, we’ll “go and get you boxers”".
It was not an innuendo...
We actually went boxer shopping...

Still hopeful at the thought that he was making a move and just chickened out, I thought I'd slip in a comment about my junk in a classy attempt to make something happen. He was confused with the English so I had to somehow, awkwardly, explain that the briefs he was holding would not be good for a guy with a big (you know). He was not impressed...

If him being thrown back by my (you know what) comment and my obvious disinterest in him wasn’t enough to clarify that we weren’t going to see each other again; the handshake at the end of the date definitely did. Louis wasn’t a bad guy; we just weren't the ones for each other.

I’ve got another date tonight and I’m pretty hopeful of this lasting more then a few hours. There is a lot more between us and we’ve been good not to share any explicit images in an attempt to ‘do this properly’. I’ll tweet about date tonight so give me a follow @MetaphoricallyM.


I hope you all find love,

Mario El :p

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